Quick Update

Life in Louisiana is great in some ways but in others, I wish we'd never left Washington. I can't help but feel really jealous of other families I know who got exciting assignments over seas and in sunny Hawaii while we're stuck here fighting off the masses of mosquitoes and daily visitors like this guy...

Yes that is a an ugly, veiny I'm so grossed out bat! I'm not sure what happened to it but I was so freaked out, praying one of my pets or kid didn't get a hold of it, exposing themselves to rabies... I was literally looking for signs of aggression and foaming at the mouth for hours after, lol! Which did remind me to update every ones shots ;)

There really isn't much to do at this installation, but up until last week, I was pretty happy spending my days at the house, settling in and unpacking. Gosh, it feels like I'll never truly be done with that though! My days have become about LONG hours with my toddler where we mostly play in the dirt out back, torment the dogs, watch gobs of Disney movies, snack incessantly because we're both so bored and visit the park almost daily because that is literally the only place to take her for some fun!  I'm working on getting her into a toddler program on post though, but with SO MANY HOOPS and paperwork it doesn't make this an easy and fast process :/ I'm just not one of those moms who think creatively 24/7 always having a fun and exciting new game under my hat. I've accepted that and I'm okay with it! I do have my moments but there are definite lulls in the day. So it's nice that I have the option to just pay someone to help me with the load of keeping my child active and happy ;)

R picked up his first JRTC rotation a few weeks ago which hasn't been easy on myself or Alyssa. I can't remember the last time I spent so many nights alone...I don't think EVER! This week the dam kinda broke in that regard. I couldn't fight off this overwhelming sense of isolation and loneliness that came over me...I'm just so ready to be back living around family and close friends but that's just not a reality until 2021...MEW!!!! I know I have to get myself out and doing things, making friends,  for these next 3 years NOT to feel endless and tragic. Life takes on a much brighter glow when your active and engaged with other adults, lol! I really hate that there is not a gym with a daycare here. I miss my old gym so much! I did join an All Hours Fitness a month ago but haven't done much with it on account I need to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to get my workout in before R needs to leave. On my own, I'm just not that hardcore. But my attitude and outlook improves ten fold when I'm working out regularly so I need to learn to be a morning person...

Going to try and make this blog a more regular thing as well! It's so hard getting back into the swing of writing when you've been out of it, but I enjoy it so much. Also looks like I'll have more time to write with so little to do around here ;) Minus school starting back up in a few days...I'm a nerd that this excites me, lol!

Oh don't mind me...

I'm just dusting a few cobb webs from this poor forgotten blog of mine. But proof I still exist is this pic from Valentines day, showing off my new Origami Owl locket. Hubby did so good ;) 

You see, I went back to school in October and as if that wasn't enough... We PCS'ed in mid November where we made 2 stops along the way, one in Arizona and one in Tennessee, prolonging my arrival to Louisiana for 2 months. Got pregnant (unplanned) also in October, but lost the baby on Christmas day (wasn't sure I was going to put that in here but I guess I just did) Then when we arrived here in the swamp lands of Louisiana, I had no Internet for some days, Then after that I was unpacking (still unpacking) selling off our unused items because we had downsized for living space (goodbye baby crap taking up an entire spare bedroom) redecorating (PAH! decorating for the first time ever) and well....Now here I am again! I was rather busy. I thought about my blog often and even checked in on some of my favorite reads but the main reason I took a blogger hiatus was because of all the baby posts!!! Y'all were killing me with all that! My mind was saying I wasn't ready for another baby (little did I know I was pregnant with a baby) but my heart said "yes" each time I saw a new cute mama belly post or baby update. Sheesh! I couldn't keep a clear head like that. I hope you understand ;)  

Glad to be back!!!

I hope everyone is doing fabulous in this new year, reaching for goals and dreams, sipping on chocolate air and seeing nothing but the brightest rainbows in your future!!    

Brain Dead With No Brilliant Title.

Today was the day and boy. I'm definitely feeling that eight year hiatus. Brain. Dead. Ha! 

Is it bad that I'm already wishing these next eight weeks to be over? Most assuredly, this research paper that I had NO CLUE existed. I used to be a cocky little shit when it came to reading comprehension. But, apparently, I've completely rotted my brain inside these mindless romance novels I read and totally skimmed over that juicy tidbit in the syllabus, when "carefully" selecting a sham'tastic class.

 Bollocks. 

     

Officially Fall!

Last Sunday we took Sugarcube to her first pumpkin patch, which makes Fall official. I think I was more the kid than my daughter! I simply enjoy watching her explore, discover and learn. Which was the whole of this experience. 

We started out in the petting farm, only after spotting the pony rides where she kept wanting to go under the corral and pet them. Yeah. The petting farm it is! This widdle bunny was her first stop. I wish I could have recorded her squeals and "WOOOOOOOWS!" :)

She wasn't so sure about this chicken, haha!

The goat was of interest, until she spotted that little boys piglet. 

I wish I could edit myself out of this photo. This is probably my favorite picture of her, that day. Such a sweet calf. And  her crouching ever so gently to pet it :)

The straw bale maze was another hit. It was so difficult getting pictures because she was GONE! Surprisingly, she only got stuck once, having to turn back around and navigate some more.  

Largest sandbox EVER! I was even impressed. If I were a kid, this is probably where I would have camped the entire time. That. and at the concessions, heehee :)

I wanted to do this with Sugarcube so badly! But it appeared big foot mama's and papa's needed to stay on the sidelines. This was the straw bale jump. She was a bit too small to climb the bales and leap, but she didn't mind stomping around in the plushy straw either. 

Having a blast

I've always loved sliding with my kid. She's really at an age where she doesn't NEED me to take her down the slopes. But I still do anyhow ;) It's gonna be tough the day she actually says, she no longer needs me. TEAR! 

Fun. fun! 

Getting fancy. Going down backwards! 

Coming in for a landing! 

This was where we mostly ended our fun day. In the pumpkin patch! Shortly after these photos, we found THEE pumpkin. Daddy finally got his roasted ear of corn and Sugarcube managed to squeak in a small petting session with the cutest litter of kittens. 

Carving our jack-o-lanterns this weekend! 

The Mother of Brain Dumps

Sometimes my brain drives me nuts with all of it's random thoughts and ideas.
 oh why, do we women not have a nothing box? It doesn't hardly seem fair that guys get one but we don't? We're the one's who stress and angst the most in relationships. Who are constantly "on" solving the worlds problems in addition to our own...

So... Dear God, why weren't we given one of those? WE NEEEEED a nothing box!

Current thought stream.

 Guilt. Such a nasty little parasite. It seems I'm feeling extremely guilty these days and I'm not exactly sure why. Okay. I know why but it seems really misguided and maybe a bit about keeping myself down. EWWWWW! Just typing that brings me into focus here. Go away negative, no good for anyone, spirits! I know we're in the month of ghosts and ghouls but I'd rather just focus on the candy and bag the trash. K? 

~~~~~~~

 Why is baby fever even a thing? Is it to guarantee we'll populate the earth? As if we would never come to have more children, after the curtain of reality's been lifted. Okay. Okay. If your basing this idea off one woman (me) and her first experience with pregnancy, then there's probably a lot of truth in this, ha! Which is why, I'm really starting to freak myself out. I know in the deepest part of my soul, that I am not ready for another child yet. In fact I keep a stash of cheapie pregnancy tests to relive my paranoid mind every month. So explain to me WHY my brain and body are trying to convince me otherwise! I'm seriously at war with myself y'all. I have involuntarily zoned in on everything baby related and it's just the most bizarre feeling. Constantly, mentally, being poked and prodded...I get when YOU want something, you become very conscious of that desire. But. I. Don't. Want. This. Right. Now. It's definitely a hormonal, pre-built in "go" button. It's gotta be!

~~~~~~~

And what is it about Christmas music, that make us feel so warm and cozy? This past week has been a bit stressful, emotionally, and so I've been playing those illustrious melodies all week. Which is great! When it fixes problem A. The only downside is. it creates problem B--- Feeling all warm and cozy makes me want to have all things warm and cozy. i.e cookies. cakes. hot chocolate. argh. And my pj's, where I stake a claim on my couch, vowing to never leave my warm flannel cloaks. Savvy?
#150 on my to do list: delete holiday channel on Pandora ASAP.

~~~~~~~~

Mommy fail. It appears I really missed a memo this past weekend, when seeing that everyone and their mother was at a pumpkin patch with their little tots. Facebook was FULL of pictures from corn mazes, hay rides and cherry cheeked cherubs holding their  Halloween pumpkins... Then it hit me, that I am just so busy at being busy that I'm missing the mark a lot. I just don't think about these things! Yes. my kid might only be 20 months old and people might argue that she won't remember all the things I didn't do at this age. But I disagree! Kids are curious little buggers and they go looking for pictorial evidence. I know I did! So even though we didn't do a pumpkin patch last year, by gosh, you will have pictures from one this year kiddo! Psh. No guilt here.

P.S I started this post last week actually, where yesterday we did make it to the pumpkin patch. So. much. fun! I'll be posting pics of that shortly :)

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And finally. because I've read though this post all week, tweaking and editing, I'm lead to address my obsession of PERFECTION....Lately I've been thinking a great deal on happiness and how much of it I actually do have in my life. Yet I don't think a lot of you would know it, by the way I expect perfection. It's kind of a buzz kill. Always running around, frazzled and frantic inside, trying to complete the million and one things I've told myself I MUST GET DONE. But if I don't (which happens ALL THE TIME) then I fail. I'm a bad mom. bad wife. bad everything.

But this particular morning, I woke up. The sun was shining when I left for the gym. My hubby was on his way out for a company ride (good for him, he deserves guy time!) and the day didn't feel so weighted. Rather carefree and happy! As I drove to the gym, with my daughter nibbling her snacks like a little mouse, I thought on this happy feeling and wished everyday could start and end like this.

and than a breakthrough happened. I realized, that truthfully, it can. I just have to stop expecting perfection in EVERYTHING that I do and stop viewing chaos as a threat; rather a sign that my life is full and thriving!

So today I'm embracing myself outside of perfection. And telling myself. yes. my house will always be chaotic and never be spotless. I'll never be caught up on priorities, at any given time, because everything is a priority and most of it's revolving i.e laundry. dishes. cleaning. cooking dinner. walking the dogs. making my husband happy. making my daughter happy. you get the idea. So just understand this. accept it and move forward!

Seriously. you will operate at the minimum most days, when you actually DID gave that day your all. But don't treat that as a failure. AGAIN. your life is full and thriving!

 Delight in the things you did accomplish. No matter if it was simply time spent with your child. That IS enough.

You will never stop setting goals; you will never stop the pursuit of those goals. This is who you are. Always moving forward. Always bettering yourself. But a little tip here. Learn to recognize when your plate is full. and smile about this instead of frowning. This doesn't mean your failing, it means you're living life to it's fullest!

Lastly. your worth is not in your ability to preform perfectly. Again. I say. Your WORTH is not inherited through perfect performance. the people who matter will love you no matter what. Whether your actually juggle those balls, or you decide to sit on them, it will never change your value.

So go forth and BE who you are. and never apologize because your not perfect at it.

Ha! Take That MONDAY...  

Guest Blogging!

Good morning y'all! 

I just got back from my daily dose of the gym. But more than that, I did something today that I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE! I wrote my very first guest post. EVER. Did I say that already? Ha! Which was super scary (hello performance anxiety) but proved to be so fun too!  

Find me over at the cutest nautical nest on the web, Honor, Courage, Commitment and say hello! Also, for those of you who are following my weight training journey, I've posted a few "recent" photos of that over there. Enjoy!

Thanks for reading y'all and have a blessed day!   

Being A Parent Is Hard.

This is the post where I talk about my daughter and how she's been replaced with this complete, out of control, mutant monster the past few days.

Seriously. I DO NOT recognize my kid these days!!! She's being so terrible and honestly, I can't for the life of me, understand HOW my kid even maintains this level of crying and screaming on the daily. You'd think her reserve of (my life is so terrible) tears would run out at some point or her vocal cords would decide to shrivel and go on strike. No? Not even just a little? Okay, whateve.

I guess I HAVE seen signs of the terrible two's knocking, but after last week where she caught a stomach bug then got over it, this. THING. was left in its wake. I am still reeling at how fast this happened. I get that she was sick and was allowed more Otter-pops than normal, definitely got more mommy cuddles, but sheesh kid. There are better ways to thank me.

So far, in 4 days, we've had...Well there have been so many, I've completely lost track. BUT A LOT of tantrums. I'm talking, this kid screams so hard she's not even screaming tantrums. Rolling on the floor tantrums. Stomping those two little feet (faster than 8 pistons hammering inside a V8 beauty) tantrums! The kind of tantrums that you look at and think, wow, that kids needs her ASS beat! 

To be honest, I can't tell half the time what these fits are about! They start over one thing, and I MIGHT be able to salvage that upset by talking to her and giving her my attention, but the moment she starts down that road, it's like her fuse gets shorter and shorter and it just rolls into the next thing and the next. I would seriously be a nut case, walking on egg shells full-time, if I was that mom who chose to handle this by not upsetting the tater-tot. WOW. Last night we had the mother of all mothers of fits. Over a freakin tuna sandwich! Well it started out over daddy sharing mini Nilla Wafers with her and him not allowing her to have more then one at a time. We salvaged that one. But then she wanted to eat my tuna sandwich (but only while she was holding it) which I wouldn't allow, because  IT WAS MY SANDWICH and she was going to make a mess with it ( I had just fed the kid a hearty dinner mind you.) She decided then and there, that this was NOT going to happen in her house, so she begins to do this alligator death roll while crying and screaming in frustration. Daddy can't handle the rolling on the floor like a spoiled child, so he keeps standing her back up. WRONG. I try to distract her with a few favorite toys and the promise of going outside (which I start dragging her towards the back door because she refuses to walk) and HOLY MOTHER OF MARY you would have thought I was asking her to walk the plank! (INTO THE SHARK INFESTED WATERS YOU!)

I will admit, that at one point, I misted her in the face with a water bottle. You know, the whole shock effect, because (hey) it works with cats! However, no positive response from this lioness... We try a few other things, like introducing "time out" (yeah big mistake on our part, 30 minutes before bed, when she was already fighting the cranky-sleepys) and talking to her calmly but NOTHING is working. SO I do the only other thing I know how, which was walk away... Hardest thing EVER! You're so conflicted. Half of you believes this should be dealt with, with a good'ol fashioned spanking. But the other half, just hates seeing your child this upset. We're talking hysterics at this point and half way to self-hyperventilation. Daddy and I sit in the hall for what seemed like an eternity (maybe 7 minutes) while she thrashed couches, her bean bag and the floor with those angry feet, eventually wearing herself out. She calms down and comes to find us, but THE LITTLE RAT, once she sees us??? Turns right back around to resume her fit. Another 2 minutes of this and she's finally spent, sucking her thumb, cuddling her blankie and looking so insecure and confused. KNIFE to my heart. I make her walk nicely to me though, than pick her up and explain to her that she will not treat mommy and daddy like that because that kind of behavior is ugly. I also tell her to say she's sorry ( which I get, is totally lost on a 19 month old, but it just seems like it needs to be taught now, rather than later.)

Needless to say, I wasn't ready for this swift donkey-kick in the mommy-face and so I certainly wasn't ready to know how, and in what way, I would deal with this. I obviously panicked and allowed that to drag out longer then it should have. So many mistakes I'm seeing, as I type this out. Obviously, very confused and incapable of dissecting that whole scene, The next day I call in the Calvary, a.k.a my big sissy!!

I really look up to her as a parent. She not only has sound parenting advise but she also has two awesome, well behaved kids to demonstrate the relevance of that advise. Dude, right now I'd love nothing more than to take her two kids to my one child. I mean, look at those little peaches! But just until this storm blows over... You getting all this sister dear ;) I WILL be visiting in December or January. Just sayin!

But because I can't trade my kid in for an older model, I'm sure I'll get the hang of this soon. I have to... I owe it to her to be the adult, set boundaries and never back down, even when I'm tired.

I love you to DEATH Sugarcube. To death! And I would do anything for you. To include, being that firm hand you need throughout life because we both want to see you grow into a decent, beautiful and loving human being. Yes, I'll feel like crying right along with you, and I'll always question if I'm doing the right thing, but keeping the end goal in sight, I know we'll get through this and achieve the outcome.

But Damn. Being a parent is hard y'all.

Fitness Update (Wk 10)

Fitness update. 

Yup. You better believe that right arms a flexin ;)

The past few weeks have been hit or miss for the gym. I've only been able to go 4 days a week vs. my usual 6. Poor Sugarcube's teething saga continues and she also caught a nasty stomach bug from the gyms child watch center. Don't you just hate when your kids are sick... So sad, but you do get some pretty awesome cuddles :)  Baby girl seems to be on the mend though, so I have high hopes of kicking it back up two notches, come Monday.

I am still working on Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer; finished phase 2 some weeks back but have decided to redo the phase for more bulk time. What can I say. I LOVE TO LIFT! Currently, I've already completed week 2 of this second go around, so I guess you could say I'm 10 weeks into this weight training journey! I have noticed the scale creeping up the past few weeks, but if I'm honest, I haven't been hitting cardio as hard as the program wants and lets not forget that lean muscle weighs more than fat. Regardless though, 3-4 thirty minute sessions of cardio a week, isn't a lot to ask; I've just been lazy.

Here's a thought for you though (wish I had photos to hammer this home)
The scale is currently sitting at 130.5 lbs vs. the 128.5 is was just 4 weeks ago. HOWEVER, 3 weeks ago I had on a pair of shorts that showed pretty significant over spill. Today though, wearing the same shorts, you guessed it. NO OVER SPILL....So do the math. What does 2 lbs heavier yet leaner, say? Weight training works. And the scale is NO measure of success ;)

I plan on taking another set of progress photos once I finish out my second round of phase 2. So be looking for those in 2'ish weeks. I think y'all are gonna be surprised what 4 weeks of lifting can achieve. I know I am! I'm also wrapping up a weight loss challenge on Sept 25th, which will be about right for these progress photos. I didn't join the challenge to lose scale weight. I had no intention of winning (that goes against my fitness goals right now) but I did feel it could help me get a handle on my after dinner cheating. Which it has. But oddly enough, the last I checked, I might be one of the candidates for the $200+ prize. so we shall see :)

I hope everyone is having a great week and chin up!!!  TOMORROW IS FRIDAY! 

Favorite fitness/life quote of the week---

Giddy As A First Grader

Dude. Facebook was FULL of cute and polished pics of kiddos returning to school today. So I had to jump in on the fun with a "Going Back To School" update of my own. A few posts ago, I wrote that I'd be returning to school for my B.A in psychology, but that I was still waiting on transcripts for them to cut my acceptance letter. WELL...  That acceptance letter finally came last week, along with my financial aid award letter, which was also VERY good news for our bank account!!!  I am BEYOND excited y'all. Don't you just love when doors open wide, where before they remained shut or seriously jammed? FINALLY, after seven years, I'm returning to school!!! I cannot wait for my first class and homework assignment. EKK! I know. I'm a nerd. But I'm also super comfortable in my nerdy skin ;) 

To add to my excitement, I've already gotten a $750 scholarship through the school, and have 2 more very promising ones to be announced next year...Who doesn't love free money! Hello iPad 2???? 

And lastly, instead of starting back March 2014, looks like I'll be squeaking in this October! I had plans of returning in March because of the PCS to Louisiana. I thought school would still be in session during the move and being without Internet, hopping from Washington, to Arizona, to Tennessee to finally Louisiana once my hubby arrived, didn't sound fun while trying to finish out with a good grade. PHEW! Just typing our December itinerary out, has me breathing like a woman in labor! December 14th I finish my first session, 2 days before the madness begins. Talk about "the hair on my chinny chin chin," Ha!  

So that's where things sit for now. My academic advisor informed me yesterday that I have 21.5 credits that transferred into my degree, from my previous college. That means, if I follow their course schedule, I could realistically be graduated with my B.A in a little over 3 years! I understand there are prerequisites and all, which lengthens this time, but for the sake of keeping excitement a float? We'll "ignorantly"skip over the small print ;) 

So my question to you. Online learning vs. Campus life. Which do you prefer? 

Back To The Lands Of Heat And Humidity.

So, we're moving again...

And not even to somewhere remotely awesome. Sigh. I've been dragging my feet on posting about this. You know. Because I might have been thinking, I'll wake up one morning and, it'll all be a dream? Yeah right... I hate it, because this goes against my usually positive self, but I fight a dreaded state of being at least once a week from this and I probably ask the hubby once a week if there isn't ANNNNNNY way we can get out of these orders. Sigh. But alas, we have orders in hand and so. We're moving. I know nothing about Louisiana, other than Duck Dynasty hails from it's swampy, hot, humid depths. WHICH, does give the state a bit of appeal :)  

I can't even think about how much I LOVE our current duty station, town, house and surroundings without being heart broken. We hadn't been in our new home more then 2 days when R got the news. I mean, seventy percent of our boxes remained packed still and we barely had the cable turned on! Any plans I had to Pinterest DIY projects for our new home? Gone. Talk about total buzz kill for nesting and unpacking. Sheesh.  

But, contrary to what I've said above, I've actually made 90 percent peace with the move...Even though I've come across like I'm upset and whining, my hearts just not in the whole "woe is me mode" anymore. That is until I talk with others who are going to places like Hawaii and Germany, ha! But honestly, we've had a few months to be sad, upset, dreadful and sad again so I'm over it. Most days. I think back on our first year in Washington and remember how unhappy I was with a lot of things here too. Obviously that has changed, as I've adapted, gave it a chance and made the unfamiliar, familiar. The same will happen at Ft. Polk too. I know it. 

 This move does mean good things for R's career though. He'll most likely pick up his E-8 as well as be non-deployable for the time we're there. Hello relief! Especially with this whole Syria business unraveling. I'm also happy, because this means I'll be a lot closer to my family. Still a 12 hour drive, but so much more do-able then the many miles apart we are, currently. There isn't anything around us at Polk, really, but if we're willing to drive 1-4 hours we can be in places like New Orleans, Houston, Lake Charles and Baton Rouge. I've always wanted to visit New Orleans and I hear Lake Charles is pretty neat so I can get excited for some road tripping and sight seeing! 

Those three years will be pretty quiet for us, it sounds like too. R will be home a lot (so we hear) and be working sham-tastic hours. So we're looking forward to just focusing on our little family, maybe consider adding to our family (no excitement from family just yet because we are still torn on this) as well as buckle down and knock out some serious undergrad credits. I've managed to find a few good groups on Facebook already which have been so helpful. I have to say, I've been blown away with the women on those pages! They seem so real, genuine, very low drama and very eager to meet new friends. I haven't really come cross that a lot in our other two duty stations. It could be the lack of going on's that makes everyone approachable and friendly, but either way, I don't care! R and I are horrible about making friends and staying connected, so Polk seems perfectly receptive for us to work on that. 

 January 2014, we'll be in our new state of residence and hopefully, pleasantly surprised and happy! Feel free to offer up any input if you've ever visited or lived in Louisiana or was ever stationed at Polk! Or well wishes and general "your going to love it" comments work too ;)

P.S If you love my photoshop skills here, let me know and I'll give you the awesome free template I found of the map. I dissected it quite a bit, for this post, but it comes with so much; originally an "Oh The Places We've Lived" template. Being military, I KNOW I'll be using it again and again. Let me know!