My uncensored thoughts on growing up Amish...

First off, look at my new BLOG! I had the lovely Displaced Texan do it over at Addison Designs and it is perfect, exactly what I had been wanting! I told her I had wanted a blog to convey what Robert and I am about, how we met and to show how happy we are...Fairbanks/Anchorage (where we met:p) post cards representing our long distance relationship, his drill hat, dog tags, pictures of us...Little G.I Joe dolls...Sighs...I'm in love with it:) Thank you so much girl! If you don't know of her work you should definitely go check her out in my above link! Let me know what you think!

I've been debating on what to post about while downing a bowl of tomato soup and a burnt grilled cheese so during my annoying slurping and munching I decided to make good on a promise and write more about my adventures growing up as an Amish kid....Those of you who have been with me from the beginning might remember my first post on this, but for all of my new followers, here is where you can catch up...Brace yourselves:p

Probably the biggest question people would ask, when approached, is "What is is like for you being Amish?" For the life of me I can never remember answering them in terms of how it effected me personally. Instead, I would always give them facts of what we were about and what we did while on the road hopping from state to state. I would never single myself out in those conversations; always referring to myself as a unit i.e, my family and I... So this is me, putting into words how I dealt with being Amish in the real world and not in some community where you have protection. This is me voicing how I was effected and what my uncensored thoughts are on living this lifestyle; about whether it was a good thing or a bad thing; The pros and cons if you will...

Pros: You learned to have a back bone for sure!
Cons: Sometimes that back bone became too strong and very much resembled a chip on my shoulder...This came from many years of being mocked and made fun of so it was hard not to have a, I don't give a shit what you think attitude...Kind of funny when you picture me all innocent and holy with that covering looking at you like, make my day...Lol! I'm sorry for it now:)

Pros: It was a huge learning tool....It taught me to respect my body and instilled a great sense of modesty that I will most likely carry the rest of my life.
Cons: I struggle with wearing dresses now:p I have a love hate relationship with them...I stopped dressing that way six years ago and I'm just now getting to the point where I'll put one on and actually enjoy wearing it:)

Pros: I now, in the deepest sense, understand the Amish and Mennonite...Obviously that lifestyle was not for me as I do not follow in it now but I completely respect them still and want to just hug them every time I see a bonnet clad woman in the store or on the street...
Cons: The way we dressed hindered me from interacting with those outside of my family. To me, I always felt like less of a tool for God when all I did was hide from people and refuse to make conversation. Dressing that way in the normal world makes you very self conscience, especially when your not doing it for yourself. I felt like I could be more effective for God without the dress and covering; that it was easier for me to approach people and shine without it. That was another thing, you would never see my true self during those years....I was too wrapped up inside. I would not allow any one in to see who I really was...How could God work with that?

Pros: I was approached by a lot of different religions so I feel that I am sort of cultured in that way or at least that I know a bit about each one:p Religious folks would just feel drawn to you and want to talk about your faith vs. theirs...Sometimes that could be sticky but it was always interesting! However, I hated when I'd come across the people who really knew their stuff, even more then what I knew about this faith I was displaying:p No more BSing at that point:p there was a lot of finer points I did not know about the Amish as we didn't completely follow it 100%...Kind of made you look dumb because your dressing a certain way, but didn't really know why? My favorite response when I'd get stuck, "I don't know dude, my dad made me do it." HA!
Cons: I felt that because this lifestyle was a choice I didn't make, I rejected a lot of what I could have learned from it. I.E. a closer understanding of God and his Word, learning to do for yourself in the home, sewing, cooking, gardening, farming, ect...I rebelled silently at anything you would consider a "woman's place" in the home:p I was a total feminist! Actually tried to be a boy most of the time, in interests, my attitude, strength ect, always out to prove I was better and could do better then the average male... I felt that the way I dressed made me look weak and so I was out to prove them wrong...I was in my teens at this point so you understand, don't you:p

Wrapping this up I'll leave you with my final words, in case your confused if this was a good or bad experience...It was both:p But out of it all, I have to say there were more cons then pros. I just felt like I hid more as a person during those years and that was never a good thing. It has been a long road in learning to be myself and really who that person is that I wanted to be! I know myself now and am comfortable in my skin. I love meeting people now. God and I worked our kinks out. I am living life to the fullest. I can now wear a swimsuit and not feel naked. I love to cook and even have kicked myself that I never complied and learned how to sew. I am proud of being a woman and am so glad I never stayed in that boyish phase:p I love that I don't have to be the stronger sex all the time and that God made men so that we can lean on them:p I think I would have thrown up six years ago at the thought of having to say that! No joke ladies, I was that bad! I am just a more well rounded and happy person all around...However, I would do things the same way if I could do it over because I am proud of who I am and what I have become and who knows how vital those experiences were to who I am today...So heres to, wouldn't change a thing!