Hiyo!

 I know...  It's been almost 3 weeks and you've been waiting to hear from me after the dreaded "goodbye" and LONG road trip from Washington to Arizona. Well, I'm just popping in to say, he did leave and my heart is still recovering...That was by far, the hardest thing I've had to endure so far. Also, my sweet baby and I DID make it to Arizona where we're currently enjoying 75+ degree sunny shine shine weather and we're happy as happy can be without our solider around.  I'll definitely be updating this blog in great detail and WAY MORE OFTEN (real soon) but I'm currently working on a blog makeover that I cannot wait to show off so I'm holding out on you for just a bit longer. Maybe another 5-6 days! Until then, I hope you had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving, a fun successful Black Friday (If you shop Black Friday. I sure did and it was a blast!) and that you're enjoying the days leading up to Santa's big visit! See you real soon with a fun, cheery new look and a name change!  Stay tuned...     

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Yesterday was my birthday and it pretty much blowed.  People were arguing over politics (what's new) and this "I can't breath" anxiety feeling over R's I could scream it's so close deployment just keeps mounting. Yesterday was my worst day yet, dealing. I didn't feel like playing. I didn't want to put a smile on my face and I certainly didn't feel like acting. Yesterday, everything "wasn't" okay. It was my birthday dang'it and I was going to spend it how I wanted; refusing to fake a smile that wasn't there. Which is why I'm THRILLED that today is a much better day.  If you've been following me for any length of time, you'd know that I'm usually a VERY upbeat positive person. I use A LOT of "exclamation" marks in my writing because that's my natural state! I'm excitable and cheerful most of the time. I never "like" being gloomy and negative. It just doesn't feel good inside so I try to deflect it.   However, right now, it's taking a lot of energy to hold it together. I haven't slept a solid 4 hours in 3 weeks. And when I do sleep, its very forced, full of thrashing and frustration. NO sleep aid has helped. That has got to be taking it's toll right?  It sucks, but the special moments we do attempt seems to be forced, which falls flat, leaving us disappointed with yet another failed attempt to connect. Worst feeling EVER! That mental ticking clock might as well be a torture device y'all... However, we still fight for it. We fight to connect and push aside the pressure of time. It' important! We know, if we don't, we'll allow the bad to suffocate the good with what little time we have left. Kind of like yesterday. I seriously failed in that department, but I've picked myself back up today, determined to make it better... That's all I can do right?  I just hope this phase will subside after the bandaids been ripped off and he's on that flight. I feel like all of this "yuck" is stemming from him still being here...And possibly, in some lil' delusional part of my brain, I think that equates to...I can control this! I can stop him from leaving. But I can't...And I know it. The anxiety of his exit date, is making me crazy. "NO, you wouldn't say!" I feel pressure to have this MAKE sense in our lives and to find peace with it. To also find strength and deny the inevitable "bawling fit" that's sure to come. I'm really scared of that...Are you getting the sense that I don't deal with emotion well? Yeah, me too... For those of you, who are going through this or have gone through this, does it get better once they leave? Am I onto something or does it only get better once they're home?  I promise to polish, pick myself up and bring back the usual sunshine state of this blog, once R leaves. But for now, I feel we'll have to settle with a muted dawn...I'm working with a wonderful gal on a new blog design that's full of color and cheer, so I think the reveal will be perfect timing with the above! Thank you for reading!!!  Until then-- 

Nailed It!

I posted this quote on Facebook as well as my holiday event, and now here! 

Because I L.O.V.E it so much!!!

I woke up this morning with these words blaring in my head and decided, today---  I AM GOING TO PUSH MYSELF!  And I did.  I went out, while the hubby watched our daughter, and NAILED 4 miles!!!  Could this mean I'm getting my running legs back?? I sure hope so!  

SugarCube's First (BIG) Holiday Was A Bust!

A failing on my part, to plan costumes and get it done!  However, while she didn't trick-or-treat this year, she did join the festivities in this cute lil' pumpkin butt outfit! 

Truth be told. I did plan costumes. But I was afraid SugarCube would refuse to relinquish her HARD bedtime of 6:00 p.m, in order to make first year Halloween memories. And I was right. She was DONE by 5:55 p.m last night. Notice my inability to capture cute baby smiles above? So I was glad I didn't waste the money on it. I had planned on R dressing up as a wild west sheriff, I was going to be the bank robber and SugarCube, my stolen bag of gold. What a cute idea right! I'm kinda bummed that it didn't work out, but maybe an idea for some of you next year?!?! I had found a family photo online that did modern day robbers having the baby as a stolen bag of money. So to be somewhat original, I just threw in my own twist, with the wild west theme :) 

We did, however, give out candy. Which was my first time and so fun! We live in a rather large, nice neighborhood. I would say we have a good eight hundred homes here, so our door bell started rockin and rollin around 5:00 pm and didn't stop until 11:00!!! Crazy fun :) So many cute lil' ghosts, goblins and witches. 

Loved reading about all your Halloween festivities this morning! 

Anyone sporting a candy hangover? ;)

P.S Thank you for all your encouraging, supportive comments on my last post. It meant the world and truly gave me a moment of calm, knowing that I have awesome people thinking about and praying for my family <3 Thank you!