December 6, 2012

He's Gone

  I've decided the "he's gone and we're dealing" post couldn't wait until the reveal of my new makeover. A girl needs to talk after such huge events and after reading a fellow blogger's "dealing" post over at Learning As We Go (her husband deployed shortly after R) I felt really inspired to write mine...

I wrote in my last "quick" update that R did in fact leave and we made it to his folks in Arizona. And again, saying "Goodbye" to R was really tough. It felt like we'd been building up to this moment for MONTHS and then it finally came and I wasn't ready. But I had no idea the degree of pain I'd feel, watching him buckle our nine month old daughter into her car seat while saying " I'll see you real soon puddin'face. Be good for mommy."  I'm certain that a small force of outer beings decided to recolonize the life source known as my heart, right then and there because...OUCH! I swear I wasn't breathing as he kissed me one last time and I begged him to be safe. 

Taken while we were waiting to say "goodbye." She was such a cuddle bug with her daddy this day, sitting in his lap perfectly for 2 hours! That never happens. I think she understood daddy needed some baby cuddles.
Thanks to my sister in-law we got a nice family photo before he left (this probably isn't the time to bring up how chunky I look and that I hope the camera added those extra pounds, but wow I thought I looked thinner then this! MORE CARDIO)
It was pretty windy and cold that day, but SugarCube just kept smiling :) 

 Eight hours after we parted ways though and I had gotten my bawl on (silently) I got the text.. My sis in-law Suzi and I had already ordered and devoured a large pizza and wine and dark chocolate was setting the scene. We were doing this right! But there it was, a text from hubby staring me in the face

"So the plane is delayed for an unknown amount of time. May get canceled altogether. I'll let you know more as I find out."

I felt very confused and torn y'all! Don't get me wrong. I was GIDDY excited at the possibility of seeing him again, but the thought of doing this all over at a later date was not a highlight. Turned out, his flight was in fact canceled and I did get to see his handsome face again. The next few days to follow were torture though. It took three days before they deployed but each day, it was unknown if they'd leave. So we had to prepare like he was deploying every afternoon. OMG what a fantastic emotional roller coaster that was! We'd drive him to his company, they'd unload bags, grab weapons and gather into a formation as the 1st. Sgt delivered the news.  It finally came down to us dropping R at the Rainier Inn on post, the afternoon before he left and hitting the open road ourselves. We had already handed our keys over to the rental agency, everything was packed and stored and it was just time to rip the band aid. We were also uncertain of when he'd finally exit the country, at the time, and with my sister in-law needing to get back to school and work, it was the right decision. But what a HORRIBLE wifey position to be in...Oh well; it's done and over and we're finally settling into a place of accepted change. 

In terms of our new home and the large transition that naturally is, Jessica from Learning As We Go has put, perfectly, into words where I'm at with that...  
"I'm figuring out where the little things like cutting boards, strainers and baking pans go. This seems like a little thing, I'm sure, but it makes me feel more at home. You know how it is when you are visiting at someone else's house and you try to empty the dishwasher for them, but you don't know where anything goes? Yeah, I hate that."

Ha! If you've ever done the blending families thing in a home not your home, you can totally relate to this! I read this and was like, YES! This is exactly the time and place I'm in. I still feel like a visitor most days but I'm slowly learning where things go, what foods my in-laws like to eat, how they like their time spent etc. I've already goofed though and keep leaving the stove burners on (a sign of a multi-tasker) I never clear out the extra minutes on the microwave after using it (which I'm not sure if that drives my mom or dad in-law nuts or maybe both,  lol!) and when I drive my dad in-laws truck I'm always forgetting to move his seat back. R's family are giants so my 5'6 frame doesn't cut it for driving space ;) These are all trivial things that I'll get the hang of soon. But I feel like this time oddly resembles the first years of marriage and that tickles my funny bone, haha!  

My in-laws are, really, just wonderful people though who are truly making this transition fun and simple. They have embraced their granddaughter and I completely, spoiling SugarCube into a puddle of maple syrup. They worked so hard on making a special space for the room baby girl and I share and even took the time to go antiquing for a wooden highchair which Grampa "G" cleaned up and Grammy "G" bedazzled! Grampa "G" does amazing things with wood and also had an adorable wooden rocker made and ready for SugarCube's cute baby bunz. She loves each piece and it means the world to this mama's heart. Could I have asked for a better extended family to spend nine months with? I THINK NOT! Mama "G" is really quick to offer any extra sleep, time alone or baby sitting services whenever I want too. I feel like I'm on vacation y'all but trying not to get too spoiled or take advantage, lol! 

Slowly, this town is starting to feel slightly comfortable and familiar. I still NEVER leave the house without my smartphone and Google Maps loaded on it, but I'm recognizing more and more landmarks and street names each day. I've scoped out the local Target (a survival must) malls, grocery stores, gas stations, post office (because I should literally camp there for the next nine months) and of course every girl needs her Starbucks or an equivalent! We're also lucky to have an Air Force base 30 minutes from here so Alyssa will still be seen by a  military doctor. Which I'm excited for! This means familiarity y'all and that is my life line right now; solders in uniforms, those aggravatingly slow speed zones due to PT hours, Commissaries, Exchanges, and even the "this gets really old every darn time" check points. I'll also have an excuse to use my military I.D again! You have no idea how much I miss needing that thing...Even though my picture is a disgusting 34 week pregnant shining ( not the good kind of shine more like I'm stretched to the max with water weight shine) face smiling back at me (okay my smile no longer existed either)... It's still familiar, makes me feel connected to R, which releases a smile each time! It's the little things y'all...

There is so much more I could write but I'm afraid I lost you back in Washington, ha! So in an attempt to learn the art of pacing myself, I'll save these next edge of your seat posts for a later time. Don't you just love how people go for long periods of time, then BLAH! They deliver a 10 page article??? That's pretty much been me the past 2 years. But I feel the rumblings of a strong blogging itch, so that's soon to change!

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving!!! 


  1. Glad everything is working out! I'm also glad you could relate to that statement so much.. ha! I hoped that had made sense.
    Your goodbye sounds nightmarish and I'm glad that part of it is over for you all! I'll be thinking about you over the holidays... enjoy as much as you can!

  2. Ah that sounds like the worst having his flight delayed over and over again. Glad to hear you guys are settling nicely though. It truly does help things go faster.

  3. Omg, I HATE that that all happened with his flights! :( Poor you!!! I just cannot imagine doing that rough of a goodbye twice. You're STRONG. I'm glad things are going well at your in-laws' house and I hope it continues that way. :)

  4. I CAN'T even imagine having to say goodbye and then go through that. It would have killed me. I'm sorry to hear that he is deployed, but it is awesome that you are blending well with his family!


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