After work tonight, I swung by Ft.
Benning to drop dinner off to Robert because he had
CQ again...Bummer... But in all honesty I could kiss him; You see, the hubs actually volunteered for another one just so he could have tomorrow off with me...Be still my heart! Isn't he just a peach:p However, getting back on track...Robert asked me a really good question tonight that I thought would be interesting to ask all of my military followers/wives...This might actually be an easy "cut and dried" answer for a lot of you, but for me it was something to think about...Over the course of eating his Shrimp
Parmesan Pasta, Robert and I headed into the whole him reenlisting
conversation (again) but this time Robert wanted to know my thoughts on it, and if I could decide whether he stay or get out, what would I choose and why...Hmmmm...I hadn't really thought about this much because I know this is his life and he intends to make it a career, so I never question it... But after some hemming and hawing, I came to the conclusion that even though I hate the thought of him deploying again and I'd love to have him home more, the simple truth is...The Army is where it's at for Robert...He is the type of man that is happiest when he feels apart of something, and the military is definitely a big something...I came to this conclusion many months ago when he'd tell me, there were days that he wanted to go back to Iraq and he truly meant it...Oh yes, I got my feelings hurt over this... I understood him to be saying he'd rather be fighting over there then be home with me. However, I now know, that was my hurt and insecurity thinking, and I dug deep to really see what was behind this crazy talk...This is what I found....Robert, like all the men, want that deep sense of manly belonging and purpose and fighting this war has brought that to them in the biggest way...Lets be honest, this war blends perfectly with our
men's makeup and feeds them in a way that we (their women/family) will never be able to. But in saying that, we are what drives our men to stand up and fight, ultimately placing them into the breeding grounds where their nature can relate and thrive...So to give you the answer I gave my husband just over an hour ago, No I do not want him to "get out" and yes I do want him to reenlist. My husbands happiness means everything to me and to encourage him into something I know would leave him empty, is wrong. Robert, has come to the same conclusion, I think, but wanted to hear me say the words "Its okay." I feel he also wanted to give me that voice most of us military wives feel we don't have?
Ahhhhh, yet another reason I married this man...So thoughtful and I LOVE HIM! What about you ladies? What are your thoughts on the hubs reenlisting/not?
Robert's new endearment for me is "My artichoke heart." And for some reason it just melts my pee
pickin little heart:p Goodnight everyone and P.s. Have all of you been running into problems with commenting on my blog? Because twice I have heard from readers who have been and now I'm curious...Let me know!
Edit: I should probably say that this next reenlistment means life for Robert until he retires, so its a big final decision for us!
Re-enlistment is a ongoing "battle" in our house. Our situation is a bit different. Cory left a VERY lucrative civilian job doing what he is called to do - save lives - to serve this great nation. Since his injury, the Army will no longer allow him to be a Medic and wants him to switch jobs. Cory was called to save lives - not dispatch medevacs (although he is wonderful at it). So he sees no reason to stay active. If he can't do what he wants there, he'd rather get out and be a civilian medic. I, on the other hand, know what drew him to joining the Army and know how he would miss it if he got out. He will not stay active, he feels he misses way too much of the kids lives. However, we go back and forth about going back to the Reserves or leaving the Army all together and going Air Force Reserves. I want him to stay in because I know how much he has loved it. He feels like he has done what he wanted to do - go to war and save lives. He is ready to be "normal". There's a lot that goes into this decision that some people don't think about! But I think what's important is for us, as wives, to support the decision - whatever it is! And encourage them to look at things from every angle! Thanks for sharing your post! Sorry this is so long! I could go on for days!!!
ReplyDeleteYay! my comment worked ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post! I can only imagine what a difficult decision it is for the both of you, but it sounds like you made the right one. Even with the thought that he may be deployed, you stood by his decision 100% and for that, girl you're awesome ;) I also think it's amazing that he sat you down and asked how you felt about him reenlisting! You both have an incredible bond and relationship, and it's obvious you both want each other to be happy ;)
ReplyDeleteI had trouble trying to comment the other day, but I think today it's going to work.
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming from on the re-enlistment. I think if Sean wasn't in such physical pain all the time he'd opt to stay in. He loves the guys and his job (for the most part)
Oh, this is a big can of worms for Matt & I. Before the deployment he was prepared to be done this June. Well he got deployed and got stop lossed. Well since being over there he's decided that he really wants out. He's been in for 9 years now and he really seems to want to do something else.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm all about supporting whatever decision he makes but at the same time I'm worried about him because the Army is all he's ever known since he got out of college. I'm afraid that he'll really miss it once he gets out and once he's living the civilian life.
Somedays I really want him to get out just so I wouldn't have to go through another deployment but it's not about me. I want what's best for him and sometimes I think that might be for him to stay in.
This has never been an issue for us. Hubby straight up said that he wants to be a lifer...he has one more reinlistment til he is in for life. I support him, so it has never been an issue.
ReplyDeleteI hope yall figure it out & get on the same page!
My hubby and I have never had to "think" about him re-enlisting. He wants out. He hates not being able to do what he wants on his time off like he would be able to with a civilian job. We both feel as if he has done his duty and he should get out while he still has his life and a future to look forward to. We are not gamblers and re-enlisting would be a real gamble for us. He is even going to join the reserves when he ETS's so that he wont have to be deployed again.
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with him staying in. When I met him, he was planning on going career and I just assumed that's how it would be. Now he hates it and wants out (And after constantly being treated like crap by our totally effed up unit, I can't disagree) and I'm not going to stand in his way. Honestly, it's his job and career. I can't and won't tell him what to do. I didn't let him pick my job for me!
ReplyDeleteI mean, to an extent it is a family decision, but I would never force him to stay in or get out if it's not what he wanted.
What a sweet and loving man to sit down with you and talk this decision through. I think it's great that he values your opinion. I agree with Steph, I think you are making a great decision to stand by his side in whatever he decides. That's what marriage is about. You know he would back you if you were making some tough decisions in your life as well. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteJames Bond and I are starting to have this discussion. He has two more years active on his contract. He is finally in a squadron that he likes, with people he respects. Before he HATED the military and couldn't understand how his superiors were able to be in those positions when they were such d-bags!
ReplyDeleteNow he is basing whether he re-enlists on our next assignment OR if he gets a big time military scholarship. I on the other hand am more concerned about medical benefits, housing allowance, etc. But I will stand by him no matter what, and would never force him to stay in something he no longer loves. But I have a feeling my husband will be in for life, unless the military really screws him over.
You are incredibly thoughtful of your husband's feelings and he is really lucky to have you. I think the conclusion you came to was very grown up and I am really proud of the kind of wife you are :) I love that you were able to realize that his feelings about being in the military were not really about you at all...just something he was called to do. This is something I'm sure a lot of people struggle with.
ReplyDeleteThe husband wants out.He's done his time and he really feels that the Army can't give him what he wants anymore and he wants try something new. So we are in the process of discussing life after the Army--and he is thinking of staying with the Army Corps of Engineers but as a civilian--so while we don't have to worry about 12-15 months deployments..depending on his job there will be training/conferences and 30 day 'deployments' So we are discussing--but I tell him he has to find something he'll like and then we'll see if we can work around the other stuff.
ReplyDeleteI've been on both sides of the re-enlistment conversation. When my husband completely his first contract, he went IRR and decided not to re-enlist. He wanted nothing more than to get out. Well, he ended up re-enlisting and that was a decision we both made. He'll be in for life at this point.
ReplyDeleteWOO hoo, I cam comment again! Anyway... the last time Kevin Re-enlisted he asked what I thought too. I think this is as it should be. They should asked. You are a "unit" now, together. And the Army is a lifestyle for you just as it is for him.. so it is something to discuss. On the other hand, my response to my hubs (at the time) was that I'm not going to allow him to tell me what I can do as a career so I won't do the same to him. I want him to be happy, and if that's the Army than he stays in. For me it was that simple. But search your soul and think about if you can handle it and be honest with him. =) you guys will work it out. CHIN UP.
ReplyDeleteI think that's really great that you are supportive of him. Even though I'm not related to anyone or anything in the military in any way, I think it's great that he has such a strong woman at home waiting for him and it shows a lot of the person you are!
ReplyDeleteI would feel the same as you've described; the Army allows my husband to be the man he was meant to be, to ask him to do something else would be to diminish him. And I couldn't do that. But it's only been one year "in" for me, so who knows how I'll feel after three kids and two more deployments! (or whatever else this life brings!) :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you for sticking by your husband's side and supporting him no matter what decision he makes. Obviously reenlistment is something that will have a tremendous affect on the rest of your lives and the fact that you put his own happiness before your needs is very commendable.
ReplyDeleteI think it's up to the two of you and what you guys feel is best. If you and he are happiest with your lives while he is in, it sounds like a good situation!
ReplyDeleteFor me, Matt has always said that he's not planning on staying in as a career, but I think he would miss it if he left. He's the one that really has to be happy about the decision, so it's up to him.
Yes, your comments are definitely off.. but I can still comment your pages.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the re-enlistment (congrats? I don't know if thats what you to).
We are still so new we haven't had to have that talk yet, though when we do I will take the same standpoint you do- whatever makes the man happy! :)
I love that this was a decision between both of you. Not just asking your opinion but taking it all into consideration. I hope that whatever you both choose, you feel very comfortable with it. How cool that it would be the final decision to stay or go!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I joined the meetup group but have had almost no time to do anything! I keep going out of town! I told Kiki about it though and she has dove into it. She loves it. Hopefully things will settle down enough for me to show my face.