Dear Deployment

It's been a while since I've checked in with myself and analyzed how I'm dealing. So today seemed pretty perfect, because yesterday marked two months since I kissed this face last... Two months doesn't seem like a lot of time passed and when I look at it in my donut of misery, it's a pretty pathetic sliver of completion but WOW.  It sure feels like F.O.R.E.V.E.R.... Today really felt like the world was going to eat. me. and all I wanted was this guy right here, with his comforting ways of making stress and anxiety just disappear...

There's so many moments in my day where I miss you babe and wish like hell you weren't half a world away... Or maybe it's a whole world away?

So far, we've been through Thanksgiving without you (that was hard) SugarCubes first Christmas and next up, her first birthday 28 days from now... I can't even imagine how much that's going to hurt; wishing you could be there with me, watching our puddin'face open gifts, taste sugary birthday cake for the first time, and just celebrate her sweet sweet baby self, being apart of our lives for one entire year...

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time day dreaming about your return. Maybe not the smartest plan while aunt flo reigns her wrath upon me, in addition to the exhaustion I feel from nursing our sick, clingy, fussy baby back to health (still waiting on the healthy happy baby to return) ... But daydreaming is always a bright spot when I need a comforting, joyful escape from reality, kind of like today. I love how our talks always find their way back to life in Washington once you return, our plans for getting Alyssa and I back up there and just general focus on the future after this tour. I much rather think about that. But then it makes this waiting feel sludgy slow!

I'm hoping like heck I catch you on FaceTime/FaceBook soon, for more than a few minutes. I was so spoiled by the first month you were gone. We spoke every night, mostly, for at least an hour or two. It was great! But I guess that's not the norm, because you changed locations and I feel we barely talk now.  If it's not something on your end, it's something on mine. We joked, during your time in Georgia as a drill sergeant, that the trail was just like a deployment. And in a lot of ways, I guess it was... We were like passing ships even then, but at least I got to see your face. Granted, you were fast a sleep by the time I slipped between the covers each night. But I was blessed, in the way that, I knew you were safe. I tried to never take that for granted or complain about our lack of time. I KNEW how lucky I was to have you under the same roof each night... A far distant to us now. There's not a day that goes by, where I don't take mental pictures of my day with our daughter and place you in them. It helps in an odd sort of way... This goes without say, but I'm really looking forward to the day where I no longer need to imagine you there...