January 23, 2013

If I Were A Boy!

I saw this on a few blogs I follow and just had to join in the fun, before time runs out! Both Erin and Gay are hosting this link up party which is super sassy and enjoyable to write. Minus my bright idea to use pepper for this fake scruffle. I figured honey was good for my skin, which I used for the adhesive, so pepper could be too! Yeah. Bad idea. It certainly opened the pores! cough. choke. sneeze. the burn, ha!   Go check it out and join the buzz but whatever you do. Do NOT use pepper for a prop!

 So onto the good stuff, because I KNOW you've all been wondering...

If I Were A Boy

If I where a boy, my smile would be charming, I'd walk with a swagger and be deliciously alarming. I'd ALWAYS mow shirtless and start a fist fight. Wailing on each other then become BFFs for life. I'd own cool sunglasses with a faded ball cap. The brim would be dirty because that's my lucky hat. I'd sit with knees open, all sprawled and gangly, and refuse to budge, even just slightly.

If I were a boy, I'd eat EVERYTHING then visit the gym, only to be seen. I'd shave my face daily with a cool as hell straight razor, do wiggles in the mirror, make fu manchu cream faces. I'd talk really loud, laugh even louder. I wouldn't hate chic flixs and give myself flowers.

If I where a boy, I'd be the cool uncle for sure. Let them climb on my back and ruff up their fur. I'd take the kiddos fishing. Teach them to fart. To burp, even, proper and to fix their own cars. I'd pick on a guitar and sing my own songs. I'd go skinny dipping and would never wear thongs! I'd own the most obnoxious redneck truck around, roll bar, spot lights, it'd be a muddy compound.

If I where a boy, I'd buy a nice cruiser, hit the open road and never look cutier. I'd stay gone for days and never call home. I'd eat from a can, and swear on the phone. I'd drink from a jug, just to be manly, leaving empty bottles and papers behind in a frenzy! I'd spend the day washing and waxing my ride, scratching my junk when the moment supplied. I'd never wash a dish, or take out the trash. I'd always, conveniently, forget my next bath.

If I where a boy, I'd live off cold pizza, drink Monsters for weeks. Life couldn't be sweeter! I'd win the ladies with my one handed push up, my irresistible peck pops, maybe even my whistle. If that all failed, which I'm thinking it just may.... Hell, I have so little shame, I'd bring in the ba-ba! I'd learn to cook, a hot dish well, then use that on dates so I'd seem awfully swell. I'd lift toilet seats and pee standing up. I'd bellow in the shower and use all the water up.

If I where a boy, I'd have need of good manners. Pulling them out with my elders because that kinda stuff matters. I'd open up doors, say "yes mam" with gusto. I'd never disrespect sir or be stupidly macho. I'd work so I could play and play so I could live. I'd spend my last dollar on a cup of cold fizz.

Yup. If I were a boy... Life would be the Shiz!

This post was a blast to write! I'll admit that it took some time though because I just couldn't be happy unless it rhymed, ha! I mean, we are copying the idea of a song. Right? I also quickly realized that you could write this in many different ways. You could either turn the boy into another girl, or embrace the accepted freedom that is a man, or do a little of both! In the end, I think I made it about both. But I thought, if Im going to be a boy for a day, I don't want to do the things I already do now as a girl! Heck naw! Im going to live it up, haha!

What about you? 
 What would you do if you were a boy for a day? 


  1. LOVE your post, love that it rhymes! New follower here, love your blog :)


  2. Haha! Great job! You are so right! It was such a fun post! (: Your blog is super cute by the way! Found you from the link up! I did a post like this too!


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