November 16, 2011

Baby Bump Enthusiasts Beware

Full disclaimer: This post is about my experience with pregnancy as a first time mom. The good, the bad and the unexpected. These are the opinions, thoughts and feelings of me, Rebekah G, as the individual I am. This is MY blog. If you are one of the many who romanticized pregnancy, as I did, and would like to remain in that warm, dreamy bubble, this is your exit. I acknowledge that we are all different in style. We all handle these 9 months differently. I also realize that what I say here may be LARGELY unaccepted by many and looked down on for voicing such raw, honest material. For all of my disapproving readers, before commenting, please re-read the above statement and choose your words carefully. I have in no way, claimed my feelings and opinions as a direct reflection of you or sold my thoughts as your thoughts. If you are not completely freaked out at this point, please read on! I swear I'll stop talking like a mechanical robot just as soon as you scroll a few spaces down:) Thank you!

We are definitely in the thick of this journey at 24 weeks, ekk! I can't believe we'll be meeting our baby girl in 16 weeks or less! This is going so crazy fast, but I'm so excited to start "that" part of this journey...It's no secret in my household that "pregnancy" does not suite me nor do I make it look good for those of you who have yet to carry a little one in your tum tum. I really am sorry! My sister Mary says to me "if I ever had any romantic ideas about being pregnant, I definitely don't now." It was said in a joking manner but I still feel bad that I couldn't be that girl for her. I wanted to be that girl for myself and for all of you looking on. I really did! The one who glows and laughs all the time and who is as big as a pumpkin yet still exudes sexiness...Yeah, that girl:) Unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for me.

Sad face!

How you'll deal with all the emotional and physical changes really depends on the type of person you are. I am many things that do not mesh well with growing a fetus: positive, driven, CONFIDENT, motivated, goal oriented, always on the go, I can't STAND to be unhappy and will do anything in my power to change the situation for the better. See where I'm going with this? No, probably not seeing as all of these things are GREAT when dealing with change. But that's just it! In my experience so far, being pregnant changes EVERYTHING about you!!! When you LIKED the person you were before, that can be a very bad mix! I guess I'll take 9 months of fighting to like myself vs. a lifetime of not liking myself only to be happy when I'm pregnant, haha! No brainer there...

It certainly didn't help that we got pregnant 5 weeks before I would be ripped up, up rooted and moved 3,000 miles away.... Oh I LOVE change y'all. I LOVE the uncertainty of moving, changing jobs, meeting a different type of people, not knowing whats around me or even where the closest grocery store is...The military lifestyle fits me 100%...Or should I say, the old non pregnant me;) But this new me is something just out of this world! The old me fights to bite the head off all of these new icky, foreign feelings living inside me. Those little pesticides are labeled as: Insecure, needy, emotional, unmotivated, mopey, restless, did I say insecure? Lets not forget, the growing belly, ass, boobs, increasing cellulite and diminishing neck...My sweet younger brother likes to say that it looks like a women got hit by a bag of quarters when referring to cellulite. Lucky for him, he refrained from that line while I was visiting back home:)

Lets talk about life outside my front door...Those changes have been the hardest to deal with so far, because I no longer have a reason to go OUTSIDE my front door. I lost a really good job in Georgia due to this PCS. Granted, I didn't LOVE that job but I was at least making money, being challenged, climbing the corporate ladder, had LOADS of responsibility and felt proud of my accomplishments! I had things and a life to talk about when I got home!!!! Where as now I don't talk much about anything. Who really wants to hear about how many times I scrubbed the kitchen sink today. Or how I sat on the couch all day watching Kardashian reruns while refreshing my Facebook page every 2 seconds to see if someone posted something new or maybe wants to talk. Okay, it's not as dire as I make it sound, but it feels that dire!

What I really miss the most, is having options...Sigh... Before, I had the option to go running until I couldn't breath anymore. I was allowed to raise my heartbeat above 140 beats per minute, if I felt like it, and not worry about over heating. I could eat an entire cake if I wanted to because I could just starve myself after and kick my butt with p90x for a week to make up for it...Screwed up yes, but it was an option! I could eat the entire cake now, but starving myself is no longer an option, lol...The minute my stomach lets out a low grumble, baby kicks me in the left ovary until I fix the problem...I'm not sure if it's because she's hungry or my growling belly is interrupting her quite time;)

And last but not least, lets talk about how this new you is effecting your husband and marriage...Oh yes, We're going there!

R is used to our life as a very independent couple. We love being around each other but we also enjoy our time away doing other things. I believe Dr. Phil would say we have the good kind of marriage; no co-dependency here! R is also used to his wife being the confident, happy, always on the go, energetic ball of electricity that he married...However, what he has right now is an insecure, weepy, sad, unmotivated little girl with no life, no friends, wanting all of his time and pillow talk EVERY night...***Every man in their right mind just peed their pants and is wincing in pain at reading this. Even (I) feel compassion for you babe:) Truth be told, if the roles were reversed, I would be a bit freaked out right about now! In fact, I AM FREAKED OUT!!! The changes you make while pregnant definitely effect your marriage. I wasn't ready for that but it was unrealistic to think that everything would remain the same when you have changed the whole playing field! It's like that awful "switch" men talk about...Where the woman "switches" once a commitment is made and it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. That's what I'm imagining it feels like to my husband right about now. The hateful thing is, the "switch" was without my approval...Bastard! Being out of control sucks y'all...

This is my last paragraph and I wanted it to be about the good; to reassure all of my family and friends who love me that this baby is VERY LOVED ALREADY and not being born to an insane person...I'm only insane right now;)

I do realize the above reading was a little rough, but I just want to clarify that all of my gripes, and not so pleasant observations has everything to do with the "pregnancy" and NOT my child...Those are two completely different things! I am in love with this little girl♥ I love her, not so little, kicks and even my growing belly because I know that means shes getting bigger! I have several moments of panic a day at the thought of loosing her...I feel so protective of her and all her tiny toes, and fingers...All of the vitamins and water and eating right, I no longer do for me but for her...I can't wait to hold her swaddled little body!!! I absolutely love watching TLC's "A Baby Story" and seeing pictures of friends posting their new additions just so I can gush over their sweet newborns. I'm getting really anxious to meet our sugar cube. REALLY ANXIOUS! I no longer have fear over the day I go into labor because the thought of what that means is way more exciting!!!! So yes, pregnancy has been less then memorable for me individually...I can say that and sleep at night. I'm okay with it...I don't beat myself up about it! Because I know it has everything to do with being limited, emotional and seeing changes that I wasn't prepared for. It has, in no way, anything to do with our little girl♥

P.S three days ago I put into effect "Operation Get Becca Back" so hopefully by the time dust has settled on this post, I'll be the old me again:) Feeling better already!


  1. Good for you for being open and honest about how you are feeling. Pregnancy isn't the same for everyone. I just so happened to have a wonderful pregnancy.. but maybe I was a little crazy before and needed those hormones to even me out.. ha! I'm starting to becomea little convinced that have a girl gives you these feelings moreso than having a boy!
    I'm glad you are keeping things in perspective. It will all be a semi-distant memory and you'll probably sign up to do it all over again!

  2. Damn hormones! The good thing is that you are aware and conscious of these things and changes in your life so you are better equipped to combat them and retain pieces of yourself as you and R navigate through this time. I'm sure that (even though) he is a man that realizes that these changes are due to your hormones (based on the babe you both made) and that one day things will be "normal/ish" again! Well a new normal, "baby normal"!!! :) Head up darlin.
    Never forget to count your blessings.


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