I Finally Understand

I finally put SugarCubes daddy bear together the other day and as much as I love seeing lil' Roscoe in her crib and how much she loves him, this bear has me tied in knots! 

We were playing on the floor yesterday, with books and toys and of course Roscoe too, when I started pointing to the picture on his belly saying "dada-dada-dada. Can you say dada?" She, of course, looks at me with fascination but not really "getting" it and moves onto a book, intent on slobbering all over it :) I sat there watching her play, but then REALLY starting looking at that picture. BAD IDEA! I almost lost it right then! The tears and, what's bound to be, the ugliest emotional break down in my life, feels all too close these days. I can no longer say, "we have a month, three weeks or even two!" The thought that we'll only have that bear to hug and hold onto VERY SOON, is just...Wow...There's not words! I've determined that I cannot talk about this without my heart feeling like it's being squeezed into a raisin. And Lord, the horrible stab of pain at knowing our time together is down to almost nothing is brutal... Truth be told y'all. I used to be a pretty emotionally detached person until the birth of our daughter. Don't get me wrong. I HAD passion and the ability to be a good friend. I'd just learned not to get TOO involved and attached to people, places or things. An entire life of being on the move, hopping from one place to the next, will do that! So this new me, is definitely uncharted waters and a learning curve. I'm not used to feeling so strongly on a daily basis and WANTING closer relationships!  Point in case: When R and I said our vows in December of 2008, that ended a LONG, long distance relationship, I found the wonderful world of blogging and better yet, a copious and thriving community of fellow MilSpouses! I was thrilled!!! However, I would stumble upon posts LIKE this one; wives and girlfriends in shambles over the departure of their significant other. And I remember thinking, I definitely feel badly for them and I wouldn't wish that fear and anxiety, deployments dump, on ANYONE but what's the big deal! You SURELY will not DIE sweety. I promise. If I can do 5 years of being apart from my man, so can you!  To be blunt. I thought some of those posts were a little over the top and really focused on dramatizing the situation. Keep in mind, these girls were writing of their concern with time spent apart, not the terrible fear of something bad happening to their loved one ;) However, I realize that goes without saying ;) Fast forward almost four years later and BOY, how times and people change!!!! I feel terrible for my unemotional lack of understanding and disrespect of others feelings, no matter that I NEVER voiced them a loud. What I was forgetting, is that those girls had actual, physical memories and TIME spent with their significant other. They had built strong bonds, having that person IN their lives daily! Not to mention, some had added children to the mix. That changes things SO MUCH! I know... They weren't used to using Skype, Facebook, emails and texting as a form of personal connection. No. They used hugs, kisses, touches and smiles. After 5 years of not having that, I finally experienced what REAL connection was. And I can say it definitely changes the heart while strengthening your bond more then I thought possible!   I'm not really sure why I've chosen to share this, other then to voice recurring thoughts and note the change within myself. To also say "I Get it!" If you're dealing with a deployment, or absences of your loved one, I understand and I can relate.  And to also ask for prayer or positive thoughts for my family, as we transition "back" into time spent apart...  

Bad Becca!

Weapons of Mass Reduction Holiday Exchange & Fitness Challenge

Click Photo To Join!

This will be the last time I post for this event, I promise! But I'm feeling kinda bad that I threw this up, pretty quickly, the other day and failed to really explain/ reach out/connect with my followers on the back end!! Sorry y'all! I definitely didn't represent when it came to how we bloggy lovers do things round here!!! 

So this one's for y'all... It's not a cut and paste post from the event site, but an honest to gosh "I am super excited for this event, your involvement and would love to see you there!" 

Its no secret to my husband and family that I love this time of year!! As soon as October shows on the calendar, I immediately start feeling even better about life! However, my husbands deployment next month is weighing on my cheerfulness this time of year...As a form of coping a few nights back, I devoured an ENTIRE bag of Kit Kat Bars in less then 24 hours. OIE! No Buono! 

It was then that I realized I need an outlet. A better form of coping. This goal setter needs some GOALS baby! I've realized, this is the only way I'll have a chance of dealing... So I started to brain storm and came up with a fun holiday exchange & fitness event idea! I've managed to incorporated my love of the holidays while managing to also set health goals. FABULOUS! And just in time too, before I'm faced with my favorite holiday sweets;)

I want to make it clear that this challenge is TRUELY for anyone. Whether your goal is to lose weight, tone up, eat healthy/be healthy or just stay accountable through the barrage of holiday feasts to come, there is a spot for you! We have the cheery and fun holiday exchange that everyone is involved in once you join. As well as 3 prize categories of $20 or more: Best Fitted Jeans, Mr/Ms Energy & Biggest Loser! I've been blown away by the response from just my friends and family. We have 16 members so far and the list is growing! Our group ranges from the serious contender to the holiday weight watcher so don't allow any predefined notions of what this is about, stop you from joining!  

Sadly, the ability to join this event ends this Sunday Oct 28, 2012 at 11:59 pm. As much as I would love an open 30 day challenge, having tricklers in unison with a holiday exchange makes that tough. So if you'd like to join, follow this link

  Weapons of Mass Reduction Holiday Exchange & Fitness Challenge

before time runs out. Or send me a Facebook friend invite with this email grabbin_life84@hotmail.com and I'll make sure you receive an invite! 

Just one last request!!!

Even of this isn't for you, could I ask that you link to and share my event on your blog??? Pretty please:) I'm wanting a large, fun, explosive group to fuel these next 30 days (as well as numb and distract the ol' ticker while I say "so long to my love." *sigh*

So far the group is AWESOME. We have A lot of great attitudes and energy but we can always use more of a good thing!! 

Thank You All, 

And hope to see you there!!!   

8 Months

 Happy 8 months & 1 week SugarCube! 

It's hard to believe that 8 months & 1 week has passed, already, since I held you for the first time. You were such a tiny, soft and beautiful angel baby; snuggled deep in my shaking new mommy arms. And now you're all wiggles, giggles and "let me explore mom!" 

I couldn't believe it then and I still can't believe it now; what a blessing daddy and I were given all those months ago. The day you entered our world and we truly became your parents, was the best day of your mama's life SugarCube!

You remain to be the sweetest and most loving baby  ♥ Daddy and I say all the time what a good kid we have. And we mean it! You hardly cry. You rarely whine except when your REALLY REALLY tired which usually means mama missed your attempted signals. You go to sleep with a smile on your face and you wake with an even brighter disposition. Your such a tough baby too. Full of curiosity and life!

Your puppies and kitty remain to be your steady source of grins and giggles. It never fails. As soon as you wake, your focused on finding those furry pals and chasing after them. They're not so sure about you these days though, now that your crawling and able to corner them. A lot like last night at dinner! You had them corralled really well baby girl!

Piper (your brown puppy) loves to lick your face and fingers which has ruminates of your latest snack or meal, no doubt. And Bella (your white puppy) just stares at you with this look of uncertainty while sniffing your face. Which you then counter with a lick to her nose before mommy can stop you! And Peanut (your kitty) well he tries to steer clear of you most days. But occasionally he'll allow you to get close where he can paw your quick lil' hands. He's good about keeping the claws retracted though so I think that means he secretly likes you;)
   

And you made a new friend this week! 

Daddy brought home this lil' guy and you named him Roscoe. He's going to take daddy's place for the 9 months your papa's deployed and go with us EVERYWHERE! You already love Roscoe a lot which makes us smile so big:)  

I don't have your weight and height updates this time SugarCube. Mommy got a bit behind on scheduling your appointment so we won't know how big and healthy your getting until closer to your 9th month. That will be sometime, right before our big move to Arizona! However, I can tell you're gaining weight because the waist in your pants are fitting more snug and you've moved up to size 4 diapers! Daddy's also made comments about seeing more chunk in your thighs which I agree. This makes me happy because you've always been so petite. I'd love for your weight to finally be above the low teen's at your next appointment! Either way, your still so perfect!

Your favorite place to explore, these days, is your nursery and I love it! Mommy put a lot of love and time into creating the perfect little baby room. It makes me happy that you're able to enjoy it and even like it! You love your bookshelf because it holds the "bow and ribbon" basket which you dump on a hourly basis. You've also discovered your cow humidifier and frequently pull up on it. WHICH REMINDS ME! That is your newest milestone SugarCube! How could I miss that! You've been pulling up on most EVERYTHING that's waist level. Like the packed boxes around the house, or a laundry basket and mommy's knees while she's sitting on the floor reading you books:)

So lets see...You have your favorite pet (peanut because he's a little guy like you I think)  and your favorite room but you have favorite activities too! You LOVE when mommy takes you for walks in the BOB...

Which ultimately ends at the local park where we swing in the baby swing. You weren't so sure about the swing at first but now you love it! We're still working on the slide;)

You're favorite person is STILL your daddy. And I still love watching every minute of it! He comes home from work and you immediately light up. Over the weekend you learned to give hugs (which I have yet to receive) and play the kissing game which melts daddy's heart:) You were lying in bed with us watching Polar Express (mommy and daddy were trying to get a few more minutes of sleep while you thrashed and cooed. But who were we kidding. That wasn't going to happen) when you started planting wet open mouth kisses on daddy's cheek!! Mommy, of course, squealed in delight which made you want to do it all the more;)

We sure are going to miss that guy! But mommy has lots of plans for the time he's away baby girl. For starters, we're going on a BIG road trip with your puppies and kitty and Auntie Suzi to live with your Grammy and Grandpa "G" in Phoenix. From there you'll get to celebrate your first Thanksgiving and Christmas (SO EXCITED!)  and of course the big one. YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY! Which, sadly isn't too far away! I've already started thinking about your cake, decorations and birthday theme;) We'll take many sunny shine shine walks, read books, play with toys, Skype with daddy, visit Auntie Suzi in Flag Staff and your Auntie Mary in Las Vegas! We're going to fly back to mommy's home in Tennessee so you can meet your other grandma and grandpa (my parents) and all your other aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews! There's a lot;) You're going to make new baby friends too because mommy plans on enrolling you in song and dance classes. And I'm sure you'll find your way in daycare a few times so mommy can get her sweat on;) Those are always good place to make friends! So you see. We're going to be VERY busy SugarCube but we'll have a lot of fun!

We sure do love you SugarCube and are so enjoying your cute lil' baby self and sweet smiles. How about working on some kisses and hugs for mama this month. K? Oh and saying "dada or daddy" before daddy leaves would be great too. But no pressure! :)

Love,    

Mama & Dada

Weapons of Mass Reduction Holiday Exchange & Fitness Challenge

Attention: This is an event on Facebook. If you would like an invite; send me a friend request via Facebook with this email grabbin_life84@hotmail dot com and I would be glad, no ECSTATIC, to add you!   We all love the holidays; full of yummy cakes, cookies and pies galore! But I think we can all agree, the extra "love" we gain this time a year only fuels our new years resolutions... So why not join the Weapons of Mass Reduction Holiday Exchange & Fitness Challenge and get a head start; before that ball drops. And before our bellies do the same;) The details:  Each participant will have the chance to win 1 or all 3 categories, depending on your dedication and involvement!   The categories are and will be graded as follows: Best Fitted Jeans (members vote. You cannot vote for yourself) Ms. Energy (members vote. You cannot vote for yourself) Biggest Loser ( participant with biggest percentage of weight loss wins)  Prizes for each category are as follows: Best Fitted Jeans ( A $20 giftcard to Buckle)  Ms. Energy ( A $20 giftcard to Starbucks)  Biggest Looser ( prize pot! Value to be determined by participant total)    Rules: #1. (JOIN)  join Weapons of Mass Reduction Holiday Exchange & Fitness Challenge by Sunday October 28, 2012. Challenge will begin on Monday October 29, 2012 and will go until Tuesday November 27, 2012 (30 days.)  #2. (CHEESE!) Take a before picture of yourself in a pair of snug jeans as well as a picture of your current weight on your home scale.  This is how we will determine a winner for Best Fitted Jeans and Biggest Looser.    #3. (PAIRING)  You will then be paired randomly with a challenge buddy. However we do encourage you to invite a buddy of your own if you'd like! The more people, the bigger our prize pot for biggest looser will be! The buddy system is meant to motivate and encourage you a well as giving you a predetermined exchange partner. So chat it up. Get to know one another and stay involved!   #4. (CONTRIBUTE) You'll need to agree to to contribute $2 dollars to the biggest looser prize pot (sent via Paypal or snail mail) as well as exchange a holiday gift with your challenge buddy. The gift should be between $5 and $10 dollars unless you and your challenge buddy discuss otherwise. You will coordinate with your challenge buddy for the distribution of your exchange gift i.e address mostly. The exchange gifts should be shipped no later then 1 week after the ending of this event on November 27, 2012.   #5. (UPLOAD)  You will have between November 27, 2012 and November 30, 2012 to upload your before and after Best Fitted Jeans photos as well as your before and after home scale photos.  #6. (VOTE) Finally, on December 1, 2012 please come back to vote for our Best Fitted Jeans category as well as Ms. Energy category. The winner of Biggest Loser will be announced as well by calculating the biggest percentage loss in body fat. This will be done through a reputable online calculator once we have everyones before and after scale photos. All prizes will be shipped no later then December 7, 2012.   The biggest thing is to have fun, get fit, make some new friends, loose some weight (or don't) and rock some awesome attitudes going into the holidays!!! I hope to see many of you participate as well as inviting your friends! This will be healthy and fun and who doesn't like gifts!    

Blogging Tip

Thank you all for your awesome input on my last post. I tried to respond to everyone's comments however if you have "no-reply" selected in your settings (which a lot of us do without knowing) you probably didn't receive my response. Because there's no email shown to reply to! *hint hint* I love interacting with my readers, so take a moment to check your settings ♥  From your dash board, click the title of your blog in the right hand corner. If you run your mouse over it, it'll say profile. Thats how you know you have the right link. Click that link! From there, click Blogger profile  and then Edit profile in the top right hand corner. You're looking for the box that says Show email address. As you've probably guessed, it needs to be selected. 
Easy peasy! Now you'll be receiving more love and less junk in your inbox! Everyone loves that, right! Feel free to share this with your readers and keep the emails/love flowing!     

I've Been Noticing Thangs...

I had intended to let the day slip by, without gracing the web'o'sphere with another fabulous post from "Moi" but then I took a shower this evening and a blog post came to me... Lately I've been noticing things. Things (and I won't say that all women go through) postpartum because I'm really not sure if it's just me, stress related, or all part of the baby pooping gig.  But I've been loosing hair y'all. And not just a little hair, but brushes full, shower grate drains full!!! It's all over my bathroom floors. I literally have to sweep everyday to keep up with it! I'm seriously freaking out!!! If I keep loosing hair, at this rate, I'll be bald before my husband returns, sometime next year... Can you imagine what THAT home coming would  look like??? However, it's more then just the hair. I've been noticing increasingly aggressive hormones too, usually when aunt flow visits and right before ovulation...For the first 4 months after giving birth, I felt like one of the lucky ones because, I hardly noticed the hormone changes. I excitedly began to think my body had just chilled out and revamped over those nine months. That I was DONE with those pesky lil' things. PAHHH!  Lately it's just been unbearable and feels like it's getting worse every month...I'm seriously thinking about getting on birth control while R is gone, even, just to bypass some of this craziness! Seriously. One minute I'm completely relaxed, enjoying my day, and then BAM! I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack and the world is at large, closing in. Like today...R was given pre-deployment leave, the next 10 days, so we took advantage of our unexpected Friday together and went to the mall...We may or may not have visited Victoria Secret in search of some goodies, but the moral of the story is, I was relaxed. Having a wonderful time with R and our beautiful baby girl; just strolling along, talking and laughing and loving the admiring looks from passerby's. Or at least I think they were admiring me and my beautiful family. I mean I was actually dressed up, wearing jeans with real buttons and everything! It COULDN'T have been my tired (I could sleep for days)  puffy eyes with bags down to my knees. Or the unwashed, unkept messy ponytail (isn't that the style these days) shit show that I ACTUALLY looked like. No. Those were definitely looks of admiration, void of pity, ha!   But while I was swimming in this state of awesomeness, just strolling along...party pooper hormones came and decided to ring my bell. And I mean RING IT! It felt like I was having a heart attack, all tight and full of anxiety. Like the wind had been knocked out of me where I had to stop and take several DEEP breaths! I might or might not have lost it with my daughter later in the evening too...The only reason I escaped a colossal melt down was because of my AWESOME hubby (seriously. I'm so lucky to be married to such a wonderful man) He apparently noticed the tone change in my voice and the crazy, aggravated mom look I was piercing our daughter with and decided, best to intervene. I felt awful! Just terrible! But I guess a screaming baby is not the best environment for throbbing anxiety, where I couldn't even handle the sound of a radio, television or phone ringing. Like sharp nails on an exposed nerve, I tell ya!  But there's also the smaller inconveniences: horrible skin, brittle nails, loose belly fat that refuses to DIE and what appears to be a much slower metabolism, no matter how hard I work...Don't even get me STARTED on my new and very much UNIMPROVED tata's...  Smart lil' me quickly realized, the only thing saving this night was a brain numbing sweat session via  Shaun T, a nice hot shower afterwards, met with a glass of wine (or three) and yup. Feeling much better;)  So lets have it ladies...Is this normal postpartum shiz'nizz? Or is this stress related??? Or both... Feel free to add that,  this does go away???

It's Okay Thursday

Thank y'all for your "Throw Back Thursday" posts because I had NO idea what day it was, ha!   But in a desperate attempt to keep my "once a day" unintentional blogging streak...  I'm linking up with---      It's okay  

• That I have two baskets of unfolded, clean laundry sitting next to me and I choose to blog instead, ha!
• That I've completely fallen off the "eat right and sweat despite" band wagon...for three weeks. WHOOPS! I did climb back on today and it felt great. Hoping for another win tomorrow! 
• That I constantly feel I'm made for more then being a SAHM! Doesn't change the fact that I love my daughter...
• That I don't always shower everyday but wish I had the time to.
• That, when the hubby's at work, our television stays on the Disney channel! Like right now. Can I get a "heeeeey" for Good Luck Charlie???  Don't judge----I love goofy, clean, fun!   
• That I'm feeling alarmingly inadequate going into this deployment...What's wrong with me. I'm usually so confident! 
• That I bought a pair of shoes last night; simply because they were on sale...Okay. They were cute too;) 
• That I haven't the foggiest clue as to what I'm doing with my life. And that sometimes turns me into the "I'm going to be sixty with no real achievements" crazy lady... 
• That I'm addicted to "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and have no idea why...It has to be an infatuation with the ridiculousness of people.
• That I've never voted...  

Be Nice To The Girl

So during the marriage retreat over the weekend, R was told that being "nice to the girl" will result in the girl being "nice to the boy." *wink wink* So last night, after giving our daughter a bath and putting her to bed (double dings)  R casually grabbed an unfolded basket of laundry and proceeded to fold and put away the contents. I was so warmed by the gesture! Ding* Ding* Dings! But then I got HUGE chuckles this morning when I opened this kitchen drawer...

  

You're looking at SugarCube's onsies, her wash cloths, a bath towel, bibs and burp cloths...HAHAHA!   

I sent him this picture, over a text just now and he replies,

"lol. That may have been me. lol"

I could just SEE that boyish grin of his:p

Kind of like this:)

In all fairness, that IS where I stash some burp cloths and bibs, so I don't keep dashing upstairs every time I need one. Which is like a thousand times a day...So I guess he figured to just "stash" a little more;) 

Weekend Review

And we're back! 

Although I'm kinda doing pouty lips. It was so insanely gorgeous there, we hated to leave! The weather was just painfully beautiful and complete with delicious fresh air, lots of long winding rivers and rolling trees, it was the perfect place for a time out.

I also hated to post this awful picture! But it was the only one I took! Shock! I know. What kind of blogger am I!!! 

This was at the very end too, where the entire Strong Bonds group went outside for a group photo. I just kinda grabbed a couple, asked if we could get a photo and this is what we got:)  The wind was crazy breezy and SugarCube was having a premature melt down at this point, so I just took what I could get; A "See we where here" photo;) 

The SunCadia Lodge was breathtaking and FULL of amenities! We had a very luxurious room with a full kitchen (granite counter tops, stainless steel fridge, microwave etc) awesome beds, beautiful views, an indoor water park, a high-end day spa, a 5 ***** restaurant, very swanky bar, horse back riding, ATVing, guided hikes and fishing and a golf course to die for! You name it, they had it! Of course, all for a price. R and I had thought about using the free daycare on Saturday, after seminar, to go ATVing but YIKES! At $190 a person for 3 hours, no thank you! We've decided to make a trip back there, post deployment, with some cash in hand;)     

I couldn't imagine NOT having gone to this retreat. Everything was taken care of which helped make the weekend easy and fun. We were served every meal free of charge, our rooms were paid for and the childcare was free even when we weren't in seminar! We had a fabulous, relaxing, team building, discovering and rediscovering time. We both came away so encouraged and feeling more connected then we have in a while. So, for any of you military couple's out there, if this opportunity comes you way, TAKE IT! It's an all expense paid vacation! 

I'm not sure if they use the same material at every Strong Bonds gathering but they should! We sat through and thoroughly enjoyed the "Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage" video seminar by Mark Gungor. If y'all have never heard of him (which R and I had not) you NEED to look him up!!! He's is a genius when it comes to comedic delivery, understanding men vs. women and explaining why most marriages struggle either a little or a lot! We also completed his online section called "The Flag Page" which really is a 3 step questionnaire (so simple yet EXTREMELY accurate) and results in understanding truly what motivates you, your spouse and what keeps you both happy in life. All of this put together, is POWERFUL stuff y'all. Let me say! R and I have started implementing the things we learned about one another and have, in just 3 days, seen very positive improvement. I was so impressed with Mark Gungor that I found his videos on YouTube and sent them to one of my married sisters. As a gift, I also purchased a flag page for her and her spouse too, and although they are not all the way through the videos and flag page, their already coming across huge self realizations while seeing improved connection. Really good stuff:) If you'd like links and more info, send me an email and I'd be MORE then happy to help! 

But back to the retreat! One of my biggest concerns in going was having to put SugarCube in child care. We received an itinerary via email right before we left and I was panicked to see that once we arrived, we had a few hours before the first portion of the seminar. I figured I'd at least have the evening to sleep on it and get comfortable, but nope! The bad thing was, SugarCube was going in right around her bedtime. I figured that could either be a good thing or become a disaster. 

After handing her over, which was a knife to my heart, and about fifteen minutes into the seminar, I get a text saying "Alyssa's getting fussy. We've tried her bottle and her diaper is clean but she won't calm down." I had told them it was her bedtime when I checked in so I knew her dilemma and was confused as to why they hadn't tried laying her down. I text them back and ask if I need to come get her, but added, "she is just extremely tired and needs to lay down." Apparently they remembered it was her bedtime, as I was typing, and responded that everything was fine once they laid her down. PHEW! Now to get myself calmed down, AGAIN! 

Over the course of the weekend I became more comfortable with leaving her and actually got to where I wasn't dreading it every time. Having her in childcare was a neat experience because we learned some new things about her! SugarCube is actually very social and uber curious about other babies! She doesn't suffer from separation anxiety nor does she tolerate loud talking. And sad as it is, she actually could care less that we're in the room when she's being fed snacks, haha! It definitely sucked being without her at times, and I definitely missed her this weekend, but I'm glad to see she wasn't stressed out over the situation which allowed me to focus and truly get something out of my time there.

So the moral of the story is, we had a great time. We're  recharged. I'm encouraged to see my daughter CAN be left in someone elses care and not freak out. And the big one being, after this weekend, R and I are feeling much more confident in ourselves, our marriage and getting through the hardships of this up coming (boo) deployment.